I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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