Apparently you make a good broom.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
