As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
