sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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