I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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