i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my shit smells like andre
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
