woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pants are for mortals
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
