I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
