what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
