did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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