New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
