you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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