You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What a dumb baby whore.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
