Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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