Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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