Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
