i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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