ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
