mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
