Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
