There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
