I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sobbing to NWA
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
