Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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