I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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