how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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