What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
