He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
