I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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