mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
