just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
