If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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