My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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