I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
