in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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