I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
