i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
