At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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