Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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