i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My feet surprised me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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