i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
