when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
