You work out of a Hotel?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
bring money and cleavage
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
