All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
