also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
