so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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