I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
