We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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