there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
