We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
