I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
