the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she peed on how many people?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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