They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
