i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
