U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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