i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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