After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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