I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
then he tried to convert me to islam
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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