Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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