Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
