Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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