Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
