My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
