I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am naked and annoyed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
