You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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