you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
