Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
